Sorry I haven’t been posting this past week or so. I just finished up editing a book for a client—took me a lot longer than I expected—plus I had a few annoying days of computer issues.
And I’m thinking up new material for my stand-up routine.
Did you hear the one about … ?
I take pictures. I guess that qualifies me to call myself a photographer. There’s a link on the top right of my home page that will take you to the ones I have posted on my Flickr site, Hank Fox Photos.
There’s a funny story I like to tell about how, early in my picture-taking career, I used to work so hard to get the exposure right, frame the picture perfectly, crop out all the extraneous bits in the scene, etc. — all the skill and knowledge thingies you have to do to get a really good photograph — and then somebody would say “Wow, that’s a great picture! You must have a really good camera!”
Which is bit like telling a writer who turns out a great book, “Wow, you must have a really good typewriter!”
But maybe they were even right. Because my main technique was something I learned at a Nikon School of Photography workshop: 1) Take LOTS of pictures. 2) Throw most of them away.
Flickr has this other wonderful site, Flickrvision, where you can see pictures as they’re posted, wherever they’re posted, all over the world.
This is mega-cool.
I’ve been taking a class in stand up comedy. Tonight was the second class, and I had to get up in front of my other classmates, about 20 of them, and attempt to be funny.
I did pretty good. I felt good, they laughed, teacher said good things about me.
It was a Sally Field moment: “You like me! You really like me!” I could get into this.
Next week: Local club. On stage. Me.
Whoo boy.
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I was lucky enough to know a Great Person. He also happened to be a dog. He lived with me for about 7 years, and then passed into the keeping of my friend Carl Buell who, if anything, took better care of him than I did. And probably loved him more.
But he was in my life in all those years, and worked his slow magic on me, opening me up more to the possibilities of feeling love. And if that sounds odd, the only way I can explain it is to say I had a peculiar childhood, and love wasn’t exactly the core curriculum. Mainly, I had to learn it later … and Tito, my beloved furry friend, was one of my teachers.
You never met anybody who was such a grand soul, so adventurous, so courageous in adversity and so fun-loving in his daily life. He was one of those rare ones with so much good stuff inside him that he enlarged you just to be around him.
Today, March 4, is two years since he died.
I miss him somethin’ fierce.
Tools are under-appreciated by most of us officey types. Whether it’s a circular saw, a drill, a planer, an arc welder, or just a simple car jack, too many of us aren’t ready to get our hands dirty.
It’s not the dirt, of course. It’s just that certain tools can be outside our bubble of competence, and it’s human nature to shy away from getting involved in something we probably, in the beginning, won’t be much good at.
But here’s the really great thing about tools: If you have the right tools – and the skills to use them – you can turn anything into anything.
You can turn a discarded old oak pallet into a beautiful jewelry box. You can turn scrap metal into sculpture, or a rusty steel pipe into a gleaming barbecue pit. You can turn a ragged old house into a welcoming home.
You can turn garbage into gold. Metaphorically, at least.
Three rules for tools:
Rule 1: Anybody who’s bought a cheap tool has lived to regret it. That bargain socket wrench set that LOOKS just like the more expensive ones, is not. It’s a cheap knockoff of something better, and it will neither last nor perform as well. And there’s nothing worse than getting halfway through a critical job and having your socket or screwdriver or router bit fail on you. The cheaper ones are also dangerous. If you’re leaning on a wrench to try to break free a rusty nut, and the socket breaks loose, it’s gonna hurt. Buy the best, always. Good tools are made well enough to last pretty much your entire lifetime. Which means they’re cheaper in the long run.
Rule 2: Power tools aren’t kid stuff. Get some safety training if you’re unused to, say, a circular saw or a jointer-planer. If you use it wrong, it really can take your hand off in a split second. The same blade that rips into a length of pine can put you in the hospital, or worse. Keep your insides on your inside by being damned careful.
Rule 3: Can I borrow your new mower? Can I borrow your expensive wheelbarrow? Can I borrow your paint sprayer? No, no, and no. Find a way to gracefully beg off, or just be blunt about it, but don’t lend your tools to your neighbors, your friends, or your kids. Go over and use the tool for them, if you must, but don’t lend it out. It sounds harsh, even unfriendly, but there are some good reasons for it. First, if your chainsaw rips into some kid’s arm, or your powerful mower slings a rock into somebody’s eye, oh boy are you going to feel bad. Not to mention the lawsuit. And then there’s this: Nobody loves your tools like you do. They WON’T take care of them the way you do. The guy who loves tools as much as you do – and yes, there are plenty of them out there – probably has his own, and won’t be asking to borrow yours. There’s also the fact that most tools have a service period built into them. Well-maintained, they just might last forever. Poorly taken care of, they won’t. You do the math.
Finally, Rule 4: Use them! Turning garbage into gold is exciting! Satisfying! Fun!
Something I used to do all too often was to have a recurring problem that I feebly failed to solve. And I know I’m not the only one.
“I put my glasses down somewhere and now I can’t find them.”
“Darn it, locked my keys in my car again. Third time this month.”
“I forgot to pay the phone bill again and they cut me off. Again.”
Most of us do it. Each time, we’re forced to deal with the small emergency that results, in a way that costs time, annoyance, and even money.
The worst cost is that you feel like such an idiot each time. (Typically, generous friends are glad to pitch in and point out that you ARE an idiot.)
But there really is an easy way to deal with them. I call it “Solve It Once.”
Comedy is where you find it.
Diseases that sound funny (but probably aren’t): Amnesic shellfish poisoning • Arenavirus infection • Black Creek Canal virus • Brainerd diarrhea • Cat scratch disease • Cat flea tapeworm infection • Chagas disease • Crabs • Delusional parasitosis • Dracunculiasis • Endilomax nana infection • GBS infection • Hansen’s disease • Hib disease • Hot tub rash • Kala-azar • La Crosse encephalitis • Lassa fever • Monkeypox • Orf virus infection • PCP infection • Pediculosis • Pontiac fever • Rat bite fever • Rhinitis • Rift Valley fever • Scrub typhus • Shingles • Slapped cheek disease • Sleeping sickness • Swimmer’s ear • Thrush • Undulant fever • VHF (Viral Hemorrhagic Fevers) • Whipworm • Wuchereria bancrofti • Yellow fever • Yersinosis
Others that sound even funnier (but still probably aren’t):
Astrovirus infection sounds like it would lay Astroboy up for days with a high fever.
New York-1 virus infection is probably something only the governor of the state of New York can contract.
I hear American Express is suing to have a disease named after them. For everyone else, there’s VISA (Vancomycin Intermediate Staphylococcus aureus).
Kawasaki syndrome can only be caught by wussies. Real men get Harley Sickness, or they get nothing at all.
I had mumps as a kid, and I know it’s serious, but it still sounds like something only Eeyore would come down with. It’s even fun to say: Mumps. Mumps. Mumps.
Q fever is particularly virulent among Star Trek: The Next Generation fans.
And finally, a decidedly unfunny one: Anytime you read about it in the news, it’s usually prefaced with the phrase “antibiotic-resistant superbug” — MRSA (methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus) killed about 19,000 Americans in 2005, most of them in hospitals, according to a report published in October in the Journal of the American Medical Association. According to Wikipedia, that’s more people than AIDS. Each year. And you can catch it from touching people.
And we worry about mountain lions.
News Flash! Government scientists confirm: Humans are mammals!
“As for other potential prey, human beings – like rodents, beavers and deer – are mammals, government scientists confirmed.”
… Of course, we’re all going to be eaten by giant snakes. But still.
San Francisco Chronicle / Thursday, Feb. 21
New threat to our way of life: giant pythons
Oh, good.
I subscribe to ZenHabits, a cool site on simplicity and productivity. I wrote a post this morning I thought might work there, but when I checked on the site, they don’t accept outside submissions. So. I’m gonna start doing it myself.
I’m calling this post, and others to follow, “Xen Living” because every form of the word “zen” appears to be taken. Zen Living, Zen Tiger, Zen Dog, Zen Pig … I finally gave up when I found myself about to Google “Flaming Zen Buttocks.”
Xen. Let’s say it’s pronounced the same as Zen, but have it mean something different. I picture Xen as something ballsier, more determined to make positive changes. The philosophy of Xen, as I define it, is “Don’t just complacently adapt to the life that’s presented to you. Make IT adapt to YOU.” (But don’t make a xenhole of yourself.)
Xen Living 1: Do It Now
I cooked a salmon roll for dinner on my George Foreman Grill. And then left the grill there on the counter overnight. Continue reading “Xen Living 1: Do It Now”
Pooh. I went to Washington, DC last week and left off working out and eating right for the duration of the trip. Still haven’t gotten back. I haven’t gained any weight, but I haven’t lost any either. And my other fitness gains have been on hold too.
One of the email lists I’m on, it might be Zen Habits, encouraged writing oneself a formal pledge related to goals — and set in a four week time frame — and signing it, so I did that. Here’s the part that relates to health:
I pledge that for the next four weeks, I will work out no less than four times per week at the gym.
I pledge that for the next four weeks, I will walk or run three miles per day, three days a week.
I pledge that for the next four weeks, I will eat no less than 5 servings per day of fruits and vegetables.
I pledge that for the next four weeks, I will consume no drink or food with added sugar in it.
Typically, I’m lousy at keeping promises to myself. But I seem to have been better recently, and I think I can accomplish these things for this short time.
