Petition the Veep: Stop Evil-lution in Schools!

COE 235Ooh, sign me up!

A petition addressed to VP-elect Mike Pence asks for (drum roll, clash of cymbals!) …


(A “moratorium.” Just until we can figure out, you know, whether it’s really true or not.)

They’re looking for (drum roll again, even louder clash of cymbals)


—You know, a stunning tidal wave of deep passionate concern from Americans.

Some absolutely verbatim excerpts from the petition:

It is obvious to us that Evolutionism-Darwinism is an anti-Christian atheistic dogma masquerading as science. According to renown (sic) philosopher of science, Professor Michael Ruse blah blah blah blah.

Evolutionists, indeed, themselves speak about their “theory” blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah “the scientific equivalent of the Holy Grail.”

Blah blah blah denying the work of a divine creator in the natural order blah blah blah sweeping theological contention blah blah blah!!!

Blah blah blah blah the Neo-Darwinian paradigm is on the verge of collapse blah blah!!

Blah blah blah! Blah blah its flawed historical narrative of origins which includes telling students that humans are walking sarcopterygian fish! Blah blah blah!!

It ends with:

We therefore urge you to persuade President Trump to issue an executive order imposing a nationwide indefinite moratorium on the teaching of evolution in public schools. For it to be effective, this order should clearly state that it supersedes the decisions of state and district boards of education regarding the science curriculum. Those schools that don’t comply with it should be completely denied federal funding and aid by the Department of Education, just as it is proposed that cities that provide sanctuary to illegal aliens ought to be denied assistance. We hope that you will act upon this very urgent matter and uphold truth and the American way of life we hold so dear.

(Yeah, one peep out of you freedom-hating bastards and we’ll jerk your funding so fast your head will spin! But hey, no pressure. We’re all about that “equal exposure and then letting the kids decide for themselves.”)

I’m seeing an opportunity in the comments section.


  • Michael Ross

    For it to be effective, this order should clearly state that it supersedes the decisions of state and district boards of education regarding the science curriculum. Those schools that don’t comply with it should be completely denied federal funding and aid by the Department of Education

    Aren’t these yahoos supposed to be in favor of states’ rights? Haven’t they been whining for decades about the evil Fedrul Gubmint dictating education policy?

    • Tobias 27772

      Keep your dadgum government hands off of my education!!

    • Raging Bee

      States’ rights, yes. Local rights, no.

      • MystiqueLady

        And individual rights? What are those?

  • yazikus

    should clearly state that it supersedes the decisions of state and district boards of education –

    Wait, wait, wait. These are the small-govt., state’s rights people? Smh. But, this attempt is indicative of how evangelicals feel about this election. They’ve got their team at the top, and they won’t hesitate to petition them for any of their pet issues. Be prepared to see bathroom petitions, pot petitions, Merry Christmas petitions, etc. in the coming years.

    • adam

      “These are the small-govt., state’s rights people?”

      So they claim.

      • MystiqueLady

        I think the words got all mixed up — Should be State Govt. rights over small people.

  • gimpi1

    So… will they ban the use of our understanding of evolution in the creation of new antibiotics for drug-resistant germs? How about using that understanding to create new pesticides as insects develop resistance to our current ones? Or using that knowledge to breed plants to increase crop yields? Are they OK with us using the basic principles of evolution to make life better, but just upset with our teaching it to future generations of scientists and researchers who will need that knowledge to do their job?

    The stupid really hurts today…

    • adam

      Flu shots, flu shots

      No need to develop new shots because evolution is not true.

      No more biology or anthropology, palentology, geneology or any of that Satanic stuff…..

      “The stupid really hurts today…”

      It hurts every day.

      • MystiqueLady

        Silly boy, flu shots should be outlawed because Autism!

      • gimpi1

        Yes! If viruses don’t evolve, we don’t have to keep developing new vaccines… think of the cost-savings. We won’t need medical research into resistant bacteria either… or spend money on developing new pesticides or such… We’ll save so much!

        Except for the inconvenient fact that these life-forms do continue to change and adapt… Reality is such a hassle. Perhaps that’s why so many people choose to ignore it.

    • MadScientist1023

      I’ve argued with enough creationists to know what their response would be:
      “Of course *micro*evolution is real. I’m talking about *macro*evolution. No one has ever seen one animal evolve into another type of animal.”
      Attempts to explain that such a process would take longer than the whole of human history are generally ignored.

      • gimpi1

        My knowledge is only superficial, yet as I understand it, the whole “micro vs macro” argument is bunk. Change happens incrementally. Over vast amounts of time, enough small incremental changes add up to a new species. This has been shown to have happened many times over the eons. When this is pointed out, you often get the “if you can’t directly observe it, you can’t prove it” tripe.

        Now, what little science I have is by osmosis. My husband is a geologist. Through him, I understand that we know a great deal about the mantle, the core and the energy that drives the process of subduction. Yet, we can’t directly observe any of it. So much for the “If you can’t directly observe it” argument.

        • MadScientist1023

          You’re entirely correct. It’s nonsense, but it’s their standard response.

        • Lerk!

          All evolution is micro evolution, but over time the effect is macro.

      • lady_black

        Tell them that *individuals* do not evolve. Species do.

      • Wookie Monster

        Creationists are like Etch-A-Sketches. You can explain about how tiny changes add to be big changes over numerous generations and you can explain in the minutest details how evolution works. But, the second you walk away from them, they shake their heads, erase everything you told them, and go on repeating the same debunked talking points over and over again.

    • Wookie Monster

      No, because once we stop teaching it, it will stop being true, just like magic!

      • gimpi1

        Yeah, that’s another goofy thing about this belief system. The idea that facts somehow change if you stop paying attention is shot-through it.

        Refuse to admit that biological evolution happened and somehow reality will change to accommodate your beliefs… Paste a smile on and pretend that your failing marriage is happy happy happy… Rant about the ‘Joshua Generation’ you’re raising to take over the world and ignore that most of your kids leave your belief-system as soon as they grow up…. Claim that your specific denomination is growing in the face of rapid decline of all denominations… the idea that denying reality changes it is everywhere.

        Yet another thing I’ll never understand. Perhaps that’s a good thing.

  • adam
  • Cozmo the Magician

    1000 People. Ayup, If 1000 tinfoil hat wearing fuckheads sign a petition then we should totes change the entire way our education system is run.

    • Lerk!

      I’m sure 1000 signatures will be plenty to convince Pence to do it. This is the moment the Evangelicals have been waiting for for years!

  • Raging Bee

    Wow, Trump isn’t even in office yet, and already his bigoted supporters are begging for a Tsar. This is what we get when we support a party that’s allied with Russian authoritarians.

    • Lerk!

      The problem is that Pence may very well go for it, and Trump will be all-too-happy to play the card in return for the loyalty to him it will generate.

  • The illogic of the creationists is so absurd that sometimes I think they all think religion is for the foolish and they don’t believe in god or the bible either, but use it to wag the tails of all the pompous, self righteous believers and they even try to outdo each other in their evangelicalness… Like building a house with doors only 3 feet tall and tell you it is the normal way to enter Life. And, you know, just come on in. Regressive to the max.

  • barrydesborough
  • Wookie Monster

    I thought conservatives were against the federal government dictating school curricula.

  • Steve Lane

    How about repealing the law of gravity as well, cos that’s only a theory as well. Then we can all float around like Angels.