The Shreveport Times (writer Kristi Richie, June 7, 2008) reports:
Pornography, Harry Potter books burned at monthly meeting
About 30 people gathered for a regional revival Friday night that included a book burning as a statement to reach out to local residents.
Because nothing “reaches out” to people like a good book burning.
“It is allowed for Harry Potter to be taught in our schools, but not the Bible,” International House of Prayer pastor James Crawford said during the Shreveport Regional Unity of Faith Revival.
“It is allowed”?? Who talks like that? And does he know the acronym of his church is IHOP? And do the people who show up there every Sunday get greeted with “We’re all out of pancakes this morning, brothers and sisters, but we’ll be serving up a big stack of buttered whole-wheat Jesus in just a few minutes!”
That is one reason pastors from several denominations and races ripped pages from “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.” Those and pages from a pornographic magazine were put into a burn pit and set afire as praises bellowed from the congregation.
Well, this is almost as pathetic as praying, as far as actually accomplishing something real. “Sorcerer’s Stone” was the first and smallest of the books, as I recall. And you don’t get into the real satanic stuff – you know, the dancing naked under the full moon and the sacrifices of Christian children and such – until “Goblet of Fire.” I remember that one cool scene where Crabb and Goyle had to coax a Christian schoolboy into a van and deliver him to Professor Snape’s dungeon so he could make his special Satanic Potency Elixir and have gay sex with a couple of Blast-Ended Screwts.
To be on the safe side, why not just torch the whole set? Or invite J.K. Rowling over for a good old fashioned witch burning? Hey, if she’s delivering innocent Christian children into the hands of Satan …
Just out of curiosity, where are CHURCH PASTORS getting all this pornography? And was it the really BAD pornography, with the hellishly seductive perfect women with slinky curves and pouting lips and firm, pert breasts? Or was it the lesser pornography with the piggish, unattractive old termagants with visible lip hair and stretch marks on their high-mileage thighs?
“As I tore the pages, I felt a generational curse of immorality and perversion breaking off my family,” Adriane Banks said. “I felt it.”
I’ve read that sentence five times, and I still don’t have the faintest idea what it means.
Crawford said recent natural disasters are a wake-up call.
Well, but everybody knows that. When a tornado or a severe earthquake hits, you’d hardly sleep through it.
“We need healing. We’ve got pornography, abortion, murder, violence on the rise in Shreveport,” Crawford said. “The focus is making sure we can do everything we can for our city as ministers.”
Man, if there was a subspecies of humans called Homo festeringsorius, this guy would be able to breed true with them.
“I am not a doom and gloom preacher, I am a truth seeker. But we are at the threshold of dark days,” Crawford told the congregation.
Yeah, we certainly are “at the threshold of dark days.” Only one thing more need be said:
WOSIJMU (Wise Old Saying I Just Made Up):
“The darkest shadows are those cast by the light of burning books.” – Hank Fox