In case you’ve forgotten, it’s International Blasphemy Day.
And you know, considering they made up a whole international holiday and stuff, it would be a sin not to pitch in and enjoy the day to its fullest. You know, insulting Mohammad. Insulting Jesus. Dressing up as nuns and priests and doing an obscene song and dance number. Posting some fun blasphemous comics online.
Not because you want to piss people off, necessarily, but to show that … well, that the right to be offended is a limited one.
If someone SAYS something that offends you, you can SAY something back. If they WRITE something that offends you, you can respond in WRITING. If they put up offensive billboards, you can mount a counteroffensive on billboards. It they have a bumper sticker on their car that hurts your feelings, you can hurt their feelings back by applying your own bumper sticker to your own car.
But if they say or write or billboard or bumper sticker your tender feelings, you don’t get to riot and burn and kill. Sorry. Freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom of violence. That would be just too much.
Meanwhile, if you REALLY want to stick it to the goddy tight-asses, the very best thing you can possibly do — today, anyway — is provide an atheist blogger with feedback or sustenance, so they can continue the fight with renewed vigor.
Just today, I’ve come across this perfectly sinful little confection. If you were to pop by your nearest atheist blogger, and drop off about 20 of these, I just know he/she would be moved to happily blaspheme for, oh, hours.
Besides, I’m pretty sure Jesus hates strawberries, and Mohammad would consider cream cheese an abomination. Probably powdered sugar would cause Buddha to sneeze in a most un-zen-like fashion.
Ingredients:
– 1 lb large strawberries
– 8 oz. cream cheese, softened
– 3-4 tbsp powdered sugar
– 1 tsp vanilla extract
– graham cracker crumbs
Directions:
1. Rinse strawberries and cut around the top of each. Remove the top and hollow out with a paring knife.
2. In a mixing bowl, blend cream cheese, powdered sugar and vanilla until creamy.
3. Add cream cheese mix to a piping bag or ziploc bag with the corner snipped off.
4. Fill strawberries with cheesecake mixture.
5. Once strawberries are filled, dip the tops in graham cracker crumbs.
6. Deliver to nearest atheist blogger.
7. If there are no atheist bloggers nearby, you may make some of these for yourself or your family. If not serving immediately, refrigerate until serving.
8. In the proper spirit of Blasphemy Day, each time you eat one, you should say something like “Jesus Christ, these are damned good!” or “Suck rocks, O You 72 Virgins, I’ve got heaven on earth right here!” or possibly “Great Googamooga, I love being godless!”
Be warned, though. If you eat these, you are automatically not condemned to a burning Hell for all eternity. Your parents might hold back on the airfare for your Hajj, but hey, these things might be worth it. Besides, Mecca never has enough bathrooms, and you simply cannot find a liquor store open on weekends.